My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
