like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
