Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
