yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
