Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
