I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
