Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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