Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
