last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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