I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
