Already got asked if we're dating
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
