Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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