I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
