I cockslap morals
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
