someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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