This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
