Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
