Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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