i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
