if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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