my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
