I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He felt like a one man threesome
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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