I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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