Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
