history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
