How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
