you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drunk is not a location!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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