you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
