Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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