You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
