You're so nebulous sometimes
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize