so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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