I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
