i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
are you so shy because you have an std?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
