idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
