Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
