I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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