i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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