Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
