Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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