i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
