she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
