All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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