Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
