Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
