Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
pop tarts are not kleenex
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
