did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize