so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think people are normalizing furries
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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