so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
