There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't want my vagina anymore.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
