My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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