I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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