She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
