I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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