we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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