Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
