I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
