She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
