I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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