a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
