Whod you bang
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
