she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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