i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize