i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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