Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
