Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
