the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i think my cat just said my name.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
