What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
