90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
