we have pet lesbian snakes
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
