Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
