Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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